Sunday, September 4, 2011

Visioning My Own Future Through a Farewell Bid

بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم
In the Name of Allah the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful


Just came back from sending cousin Adibah at the airport. 

Some part of me envied her. I wasn't as mature when I was her age. She looked confident and eager to take on the challenge she set on herself; to continue the pursuit of knowledge overseas, in the medical field she loved the most.

I don't know why I myself never planned to study abroad. I just never wanted to. The place was never my consideration. To me, knowledge is everywhere around you, if you just have the guts, and the passion, to go looking for it. We can make many excuses, be it the university, the faculty, the lessons, even the teachers, but in the end the one who is ever going to get any benefit out of the pursuit is us. So, it's either put on your boxing gloves and fight, or choose to lose. It's our choice.

But perhaps it was the atmosphere that tweaked my heart a little.
Those many faces. Young, and a little innocent perhaps, but spirited all the same.

Gathered together with their families, saying their final goodbyes before embarking on a life-changing journey.

'Hey,' I said to myself, 'Maybe someday, I'll be the one who's saying goodbye, flying to a different place, doing what I love the most; learning.'

Tonight, I envisioned myself studying abroad, perhaps doing masters or PhD. Or whatever the title is these days. Travelling to a different country, where you are the one who's the FOREIGNER, the ALIEN on Mars. I smiled at the thought of possibly living the two passions I loved the most.

Future Academician & Future Human

Engraved in my heart were two important things tonight. Two important things of who I want to be.

There's a part of me which loves learning so, so much, that I can name it a passion. Honestly, some people may find it as hard as a rock to believe, but I really do like learning. I realized that now, and I accept it. Which is why I'm doing something I never thought I could do before. 

I'm planning for my future.

I mean, really plan. Really wanting to plan. Really wanting some concrete but beautiful outcome out of my own life. For the first time, I feel like charting my own course.

I think I really will want to search for new knowledge in the pharmaceutical field, since this is the course my parents, especially dad helped start for me initially. I want to go to a country where there's advanced pharmaceutical technology being taught. I want to know other pharmacists' ideas and brain work in the field. I want to learn, share and discover. I want to be part of those honest group of people who dedicate their whole lives works into providing equal healthcare for everyone.

I want to be a Future Pharmacist Academician. (Or something like that.) (smiles)

That's a personal goal for myself.

As for the other part, I just want to be...human.

A human who appreciates the people around her. Her family, relatives, friends, and teachers. A human who loves her nature/fitrah of being a social creature. Not socially with those who you do not have relationships with (including GF & BF). 

But those of blood ties. My mom, dad, brother, sister, uncles and aunts, cousins, great granfather, great-great uncle, father's cousin...I can't name everyone here. My blood family is huge. It is a great gift. I love it, thank you Allah.

I want to be a family person. 

Someone who, despite life's challenges, still finds the time to be there for family. I can't even imagine how busy I'll be in the future. I don't know what my job will demand of me, what my own family will need of me. But Allah, ya Rabbi, I really pray that you shape me into this person I really aspire to be. Someone who finds that one of life's greatest joys be there when your family needs you. 

And Allah, You will know that I want to be human, more than I want that PhD.

That is what You have taught me all these years; to appreciate hablumminallah (relationship with Allah) and hablumminannas (relationship amongst humans). what it means, to be a muslim.

p/s: All the best to you Adibah in Dublin, I'll be praying for you, and cheering for you from home..I know you'll be a great doctor (smiles)

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