بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم
In the Name of Allah the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
Peace and blessings be upon prophet Muhammad, his family and companions.
Do you know the signs of a drifter?
Mr. Google answers:
Well, not exactly what I had in mind. But close enough Mr Google.
It's more like drifting in a vast ocean..and you feel lost.
you get carried away by the current. You don't know what to do, where to go. HOW to go.
How to break free from the whirlpool. You're caught in it.
But do you know what's the worst part?
It is...feeling that you DON'T WANT to break free.
You like it.
You like floating, getting carried away by the current...further and further away from the God that loves you.
I am drifting in a sea of worldliness.
I like having fun.
You know, a little fun is not a sin. But when I had too much fun, I didn't enjoy it anymore. I don't know if it's a sin or not..but I do feel..EMPTY.
I felt like there's a hole deep inside me. Call me sentimental, but that is what's real.
I have known from past experiences, that this is the consequence of TOO MUCH FUN.
When I had too much fun, I had..forgotten Him.
I know this..but why can't I STOP myself?
My dear friends,
this is what the prophet called "istiqamah".
It is said that one ayah/verse in the noble Quran made the prophet weary to the extent of growing white hairs because of it. It was the ayah which talked about istiqamah.
Because being istiqamah, or consistent with practicing Islam is the hardest part of being a true muslim. The prophet realized this..that's why he was afraid..for us, his ummah.
If you constantly face the same predicament as I do, I'm sorry for I can offer you no solution. As you can see, I am still struggling with it myself.
But I can tell you why we are doing this. Why we love to waste our time on TV when we could be reading the noble Quran. Why we talk about the weaknesses of others (backbiting) when we could be performing solah.
Because we are following our nafs. It feeds on entertainment and worldly needs. Allah the al-hakim put the nafs in us for many reasons. To enjoy delicious food, to make us eat for we are creatures that are sustained by eating and drinking. There are so many wisdom to it, if we just stop and think about it.
But...I do not think that Allah created nafs as a part of us, so that it may become King. The King who enslaves us day and night.
Alhamdulillah, thankfully, Allah gave us a guide, Mr Iman, to help us balance our nafs.
Beware, for there cannot be two Kings in one Kingdom. We must try to let iman win this never-ending war.
And I know the reason why I am always in a dilemma..it is because the iman inside me is fighting back. It asks me to remember Allah, again and again, even when I shun it away. It never gave up on me.
So, I know...it is really Allah who never gave up on me.
That is why, even though I may return to Him still in a dilemmatic state, I pray and hope He will forgive me, and cleanse me, for I can never hope to enter jannah with my deeds.
If ever, I get to hear the birds of paradise sing, I know, it is not because I am a the best do-gooder on earth. It will be because Allah is All-Loving and Ever Merciful. It will be...because He loves me.
It will be...because He loves us so very dearly.
Knowing this...how can we always turn our backs from Him?
I'm going to stop now.
I'm going to stop and remember.
Remembering all the good things that Allah has already given me. And wondering why He hasn't punished me yet.
Repenting again and again.
Perhaps forgetting Him again.
But never forgetting to repent.
Start paddling back to Allah, even if it takes a lifetime.
Be around good people, strong people, people who when you look at them, makes you remember God.
For now, let's listen to maher zain.