Sunday, December 19, 2010

Spirit, oh Spirit...

بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم


I feel so...unspirited (?).
Like half my soul is gone...

Spirit oh spirit..where are you, my dear spirit?

The Engine is Cold

Cold. That is how it feels like.
My heart. My soul. Myself.

My engine is not running.

What is happening to me?

The first week (of the new semester) has already ended. Yet, I still haven't felt the spirit.

The spirit of seeking knowledge. That power...still hasn't come.
Hence, the engine is still cold.

What should I do?

My dear friends,
I need help. I really do. I always do, actually (smiles). I am Allah Taala's servant, forever needing of His help and guidance. I am you friend, and friends always need the help of others. A friend in need is a friend indeed right?

What should I do? What should I do to get my spirit back?

....What am I missing actually?
I have everything. I have my laptop, internet access; I have technology at the end of my fingertips. I can surf the internet, I can find out the latest news, I can check out about my muslim brothers and sisters in other countries, I can find out everything I want about anything I want...

I am given intelligence, alhamdulillah, if I may say so. I don't want to run away from that fact now. Before this, I played down every attempt the people around me had to state that fact. Whenever I got good marks in exams, I said to myself, "Ah, that's just coincidence, but alhamdulillah I got good results." But you know something? Those internal dialogues were the very things that held me back. It prevented me from fully appreciating myself. From fully appreciating the gifts that Allah had given me. I was only so afraid that Riya' (feeling that you are better than others) would creep into my heart and took control of it. I was...afraid. That, truly is one of the things I am most afraid of.

But above all, I had - NOW. I have time. T.I.M.E. my friends, TIME.

I feel like an idiot.
I have everything. Subhanallah.

A very happy family. 
Surrounded by a blessing of the best of friends I could ever wish for.
A prosperous life.
A harmonious life, no war, no deaths by explosion or gun-wound.

I have...ISLAM.

Ya Allah...I have everything.

And yet I'm throwing everything away!

I only say that I love Islam, I love this religion so much, I'm prepared to give everything for it...are those ONLY WORDS?

Allah, I am so sad.. Here expressing away my feelings of hopelessness and hoping to bring back my spirit of learning, but after I have logged off from this virtual diary of life, do You know what I'm going to do?

......I don't want to say this, but it is probably the very things that I will do - useLESS things. Lord, my Rabb, what should I do?

So that the spirit of seeking knowledge is always there with me, day after day, even with the toughest subjects, even with the subjects that is not of my interest...

Ya Allah, help me...

When Interest (minat) is There, You Are Half Way There...

Yes, this is my on-going dilemma.

To tell you the truth, I love history.

Subhanallah, Allah knows how easy it is for me to pick up a history book, although not Buku Sejarah Tingkatan 3 or 5 (smiles). Not that history. But history about the people whom I miss the most.

The stories of Prophet Muhammad saw and his companions.

It is so easy for me to pick up story books about them and read on and on and on, without the slightest sense of boredom. Well, of course everyone has their limits, being human and all, but then the spirit will always keep me going. My engine for Muslims history will always be up and running.

Why? Because the interest is there. Yes, to me interest plays a very big role in succeeding in whatever you're doing. When you are interested in doing something, you're already halfway on your journey.

I love pharmacy as well. Insya-Allah, I will continue to love it, as I know more and more about it.

However, it won't be as easy, because the interest is not born inside me from the start. It will take time. And effort. And sweat.

Like now, like today. It is an example of how interest will help you along the way.

Ya Allah Ya Rabbi, help me win over my Qarin (the little syaitan that each son/daughter of Adam has with him/her all the time), or at least help me to win over it most of the time. Help me Allah, help my friends as well, Innaka nikmal mawla wa nikman nasir (Verily You are the best of protectors and the best of helpers)...

Seeking knowledge is fardhu (an obligation) for every muslim

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